Nā 5 mau ala e loaʻa ai ka moekolohe maikaʻi i kahi pilina

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"He mea kūlohelohe ka moekolohe. He mea leʻaleʻa ia. ʻOluʻolu a hoʻonui ia i kahi pilina. No laila, no ke aha mākou e aʻo ai e like me ka hiki iā mākou ke pili a lilo i ʻoluʻolu me mākou iho ma ke ʻano he kāne moekolohe no ka mea he wahine mākou āpau ? " ―Sue Johanson

ʻO ka hapa nui o ka noiʻi pili ka nānā ʻana i ka leʻaleʻa pili laulaha, kahi ʻāpana o ke koʻikoʻi koʻikoʻi. Eia nō naʻe, ʻaʻole paha i nānā hohonu ka noiʻi ʻana i nā ana hopena o ka moekolohe a inā he mau ala e kanu pono ai i ka moekolohe maikaʻi. ʻOiai ʻo ka ʻoluʻolu o ka moekolohe a me ke kamaʻilio olakino e hoʻoikaika nui i ka leʻaleʻa pili pilina āpau, ʻokoʻa ʻokoʻa ka kamaʻilio kolohe ʻana mai ka kamaʻilio pilina maʻamau (Mark & ​​Jozkowski, 2013), a hewa paha e kuhi ka hana ʻana i ka hoʻomaikaʻi ʻana i ka maikaʻi o ka kamaʻilio maʻamau wale nō. hoʻomaikaʻi i ke kamaʻilio moekolohe.

Me kekahi mau hoʻokoe, mālama nui nā kāne a me ka poʻe therapy i nā pilikia pili i ka laulā, a haʻalele paha i nā pilikia moekolohe ma ke ʻano pololei. ʻO kahi laʻana, e like me kahi noiʻi 2003, ʻoiai ka hapa nui o nā ʻoihana olakino / olakino noʻonoʻo i ʻike i ka mea nui o ka hoʻoponopono ʻana i nā pilikia pili i ka wahine i ka lapaʻau, ʻo ka hapa nui ua hoʻomaʻamaʻa maikaʻi ʻole ʻia a ʻaʻole paha e kūkā kamaʻilio me nā mea maʻi (Haboubi & Lincoln, 2003 ). Ua ʻike ʻia kahi noiʻi ʻē aʻe a ʻoi aku ka ʻoluʻolu ʻole o nā laikini male a me ʻohana laikini me ka mākaukau ʻole e kūkākūkā i nā pilikia pili wahine (Harris & Hays, 2008). Maliʻa paha i manaʻo ka poʻe loea e kamaʻilio ana i nā pilikia pili inā inā hoʻomaikaʻi ka launa kamaʻilio ʻana a me ka leʻaleʻa pili, a laila e ukali ka kamaʻilio moekolohe a me ka leʻaleʻa wahine. Eia naʻe, ʻaʻole i hōʻike ʻia kēia i ka hihia.

Ua ʻike wau i kaʻu ʻike ʻoihana ʻoihana inā ʻaʻole hoʻomaʻamaʻa kūikawā ʻia nā kauka e kamaʻilio i nā pilikia pili i ka moekolohe, ʻaʻole lākou e lawe pinepine iā lākou me nā mea maʻi, ʻo ka poʻe therapist wahine ka mea maopopo. Ke noʻonoʻo nei i ka nui o ka moekolohe no nā kāne he nui, pili ia ʻaʻole e kamaʻilio pololei nā mea hoʻoponopono i nā pilikia pili i ka wahine me nā kāne e like me ka mea e pono ai. E like me nā mea kapu ʻē aʻe, maliʻa paha e hōʻalo ka poʻe therapist a me nā mea kūʻai aku mai nā wahi paʻakikī - ka moekolohe, ka hōʻeha a me ka hoʻomāinoino, ke kālā, a me nā pilikia lāhui a me ka moʻomeheu, e inoa i kekahi mau mea - a pili i ka mea i maʻa mau a ʻoluʻolu hoʻi. . ʻOiai hiki i ke aʻo ʻana ke kōkua i ka hoʻomākaukau ʻana i nā ʻoihana olakino noʻonoʻo e ʻoluʻolu i ka lawe ʻana i nā pilikia me ka maʻalahi e hōʻalo ʻia, he mea nui nō hoʻi e hoʻomaopopo he pono ka manawa a me ka diplomacy i mea e kōkua maikaʻi ai i nā pilikia koʻikoʻi.

Ma mua o ka hele ʻana i ke kikoʻī e pili ana i ka noiʻi e pili ana i ka moekolohe wahine, eia nā mea nui e lawe i ka home:

5 mau kumu nui no ka nui o ka moekolohe

1. No ka loaʻa ʻana o nā orgasms hou aʻe, e kamaʻilio e pili ana i ka moekolohe i nā kikoʻī kikoʻī.

Hōʻike nā kāne kokoke i kahi orgasm, akā hōʻike mau i ka hōʻoluʻolu nui i ka moekolohe inā kamaʻilio lākou e pili ana i nā kikoʻī o ka moekolohe me kā lākou hoa. Hōʻike nā wahine ʻaʻole lākou i hoʻokalakupua e like me ka makemake, akā he pinepine ka orgasms ke loaʻa ka moekolohe ke pili pono nā kūkā kamaʻilio ʻana e pili ana i ka moekolohe.

2. E kamaʻilio e pili ana i nā kikoʻī o ka moekolohe hou aku-a me nā manawa pinepine.

E kūkākūkā i ka moekolohe ma waho o ka lumi moe, ma ke ʻano he maʻa mau o ka hana ʻana i ka maikaʻi o ka pilina. E kamaʻilio e pili ana i nā mea āu e hana ai i ka wā o ka moekolohe a me ke ʻano o ia mea, nā mea āu e makemake ai, a me nā mea āu e makemake ai, a me nā mea āu e makemake ʻole ai, ʻo ka manawa hea ka maikaʻi loa no ka moekolohe, ke makemake ʻole ʻoe i ka moekolohe, he aha kāu mau moemoeā, he aha maikaʻi ka manaʻo, ka mea maikaʻi ʻole, a pēlā aku. ʻO ke kamaʻilio e pili ana i ka pilina me ka ʻole o ka kamaʻilio ʻana i ka moekolohe hiki ke hoʻomaikaʻi i ka leʻaleʻa pili launa, akā ʻaʻole i hoʻopili ʻia me ka leʻaleʻa wahine a iā ia iho.

3. E kamaʻilio e pili ana i ka moekolohe i kahi ala e hana ai no nā hoa ʻelua.

Hoʻopili ʻia ke kaʻina hana a me nā ʻike o ka kamaʻilio moekolohe me ka wahine.

4. E maikaʻi ke kamaʻilio e pili ana i ka moekolohe.

ʻO kahi ala maikaʻi, hōʻoia e kamaʻilio ai i ka moekolohe e pili ana me ka nui o ka moekolohe.

5. Pili ke kamaʻilio moekolohe me ka ʻoluʻolu o ka pilina ma waena.

ʻO ka hana ʻana i kēia mau mea e hoʻomaikaʻi ai i ka leʻaleʻa wahine e hoʻonui paha i kou leʻaleʻa pili pilina. Eia naʻe, ke hana nei i ka pilina ma ka laulā mawaho kikoʻī e pili ana i ka moekolohe wahine ʻaʻole paha e hoʻomaikaʻi i kou ola wahine.

Ke ʻimi nei i nā launa kamaʻilio kikoʻī pili i ka moekolohe i ka pōʻaiapili o nā manaʻo pili laulā

I mea e ʻike pono ai i ke kuleana o ka kamaʻilio moekolohe ʻana i ka pilina a me ka hōʻoluʻolu moekolohe, ua hoʻomohala nā mea noiʻi ʻo Jones, Robinson and Seedall (2017) i kahi noiʻi i hoʻolālā ʻia e nānā inā ʻoi aku ka nui o ka kamaʻilio kolohe i ka wahine maikaʻi. ʻO ka mea kupaianaha, ʻo ka noiʻi ʻana i nā pilina ʻaʻole i kia nui e like me kā mākou e manaʻo ai pehea e kamaʻilio ai e pili ana i ka moekolohe (kaʻina) a me nā mea a mākou e kamaʻilio ai e pili ana i ka moekolohe (ʻike). I mea e ʻike pono ai i ka pili o ka kamaʻilio moekolohe i nā hopena like ʻole, ua nānā lākou i ka kamaʻilio pilina a me ka pilina maʻamau, a me nā hopena moekolohe a me ka leʻaleʻa pilina.

Ma muli o ka nui o ka noiʻi ma mua e pili ana i ka pilina a me ka moekolohe ma nā "laʻana" o nā haumāna o ke koleke i loko o nā pilina pōkole, ua ʻimi lākou i kahi laikini hou aku no ka noi o kēia manawa. Ua hōʻiliʻili lākou i nā kāne heterosexual he 142 i ka pili lōʻihi, pinepine akā ʻaʻole male mau, ka mea i hoʻopau i kahi anamanaʻo 30-minuke pūnaewele i mālama pono ʻia e hoʻohenehene i nā mea nui (ʻike ma lalo no nā ana i hoʻohana ʻia). ʻO 9.6 mau makahiki ka lōʻihi o ka pilina (mai 3 mau mahina a hiki i 61 mau makahiki), ʻo ka makahiki komo o ka makahiki ma kahi o 32.4 mau makahiki (mai 20 mau makahiki a 83 mau makahiki), a me ka awelika o nā keiki he 1.5 (mai 0 a 8 mau keiki) . Ma ka 22 pākēneka o nā kāne, ma ka liʻiliʻi he hoʻokahi o nā hoa i hōʻike i ka hōʻoluʻolu ʻole, a ʻo nā kāne āpau e pili ana i ka moekolohe. ʻO lākou ka hapa nui o Caucasian, a ʻo ka hapanui he ʻelua mau makahiki o ke aʻo ʻana i ke koleke.

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ʻAʻole hiki i ka Regret Sex ke hoʻololi i ka moekolohe ma hope