Ke hilinaʻi nui nei paha ʻoe a i ʻole mea liʻiliʻi paha?
Anter
Inā ua kumakaia ʻoe iā ʻoe a haki paha kou hilinaʻi, manaʻo ʻoe ua hoʻokū hewa ʻia kou hilinaʻi i kekahi mea hilinaʻi ʻole ʻia? ʻAʻole kūpono ka poʻe he nui e pili ana i ka hilinaʻi. Manaʻo lākou i nā mea maikaʻi loa a hilinaʻi ʻole, a i ʻole hilinaʻi nui a lawe maʻalahi ʻia i loko. Hoʻokomo ka poʻe o ka mahele mua i nā paia a mālama i nā poʻe ʻē ma kahi mamao. Ua haʻaheo ka lua o ka hui e hilinaʻi i kekahi a hiki i ke kumu o lākou. A laila pīhoihoi lākou ke hilinaʻi lākou i kekahi mea hilinaʻi ʻole.
I ko kēia ao lawe lima, maʻamau, ke hui mua mākou me kekahi, ʻaʻole maopopo iā mākou kekahi mea e pili ana i ko lākou kūpaʻa a me nā hana i hala, koe wale nō ka mea a lākou e haʻi mai ai iā mākou. Hōʻoiaʻiʻo ʻia ka hilinaʻi ma o ka manawa e nā hana, ʻaʻole wale ma nā huaʻōlelo. Hiki iā ʻoe ke ʻeha ma ka hilinaʻi ʻana i ka mea a ka poʻe e ʻōlelo ai a nānā ʻole i kā lākou hana. Hiki iā ʻoe ke hilinaʻi i kāu ʻike, kahi mākau paʻakikī no kekahi codependents e hilinaʻi liʻiliʻi a nui paha. ʻO ka hiki ke hilinaʻi maoli i kahi hana aʻo.
Ke ulu aʻe ʻoe i kahi ʻano ʻohana maikaʻi ʻole kahi i hūnā ai i kou mau mākua a hōʻoia ʻole i kāu ʻike, ua aʻo ʻoe e kānalua iā ʻoe iho. Lilo paha ʻoe i ka hilinaʻi ʻole a me / a i ʻole ka ʻaoʻao ʻē aʻe, e manaʻo ʻia i ka mea a haʻi e ʻōlelo ai a hoʻokaʻawale ʻia mai kāu ʻōnaehana alakaʻi o loko ponoʻī. Nā ala ʻē aʻe, ʻaʻole hiki iā ʻoe ke loiloi maoli i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe.
Loiloi i ka hilinaʻi
Eia nā ʻano e nānā ai ke ʻike ʻoe i kekahi a loiloi i ka hilinaʻi o kekahi. Hoʻokahi a like lākou me nā mea e hoʻokumu i ka hilinaʻi a me ka palekana i nā pilina.
Kamaʻilio ʻoiaʻiʻo
ʻO ke kamaʻilio wehe a me ka ʻoiaʻiʻo ke kumu o nā pilina maikaʻi a me ke kūkulu ʻana i ka hilinaʻi. He pilikia kēia i nā pilina codependent, no ka mea paʻakikī nā hoa i ka ʻike a ke kūkā a kūkā pono i ko lākou mau manaʻo. Kahi kamaʻilio pinepine ʻole, hana hou, a pale aku hoʻi. Ke pani ʻia ʻoe, hāpai ia i nā kānalua a me nā ʻike ʻole me kāu hoa.
Pono ʻoe i ke kamaʻilio ʻoiaʻiʻo e pili ana ʻoe i ka mea āu e makemake ai a e hōʻike ākea ai i kou mau manaʻo, e like me nā mea āu e makemake ʻole ai ke manaʻo ʻoe i kāu hoa e heluhelu i kou manaʻo a loaʻa nā manaʻo i haʻi ʻole ʻole ʻia, alakaʻi ia i ka huhū a me ka hakakā a hoʻohaʻahaʻa i ka hilinaʻi. Pēlā nō, ke hūnā ʻoe i nā manaʻo maikaʻi ʻole, puka ʻaoʻao lākou i waho i ka lawena, e like me ka hala ʻole, ka hoʻopoina, ka hilinaʻi ʻole, a me ka haʻalele ʻana paha. Kūlike ʻole kāu mau ʻōlelo a me kāu mau hana, kahi e kūkulu ai i ka hilinaʻi ʻole.
ʻIke nō, wahaheʻe, haki nā hoʻohiki, mālama i nā mea huna, a hōʻole i nā mea āu i ʻōlelo ai e kūkulu koke i ka hilinaʻi ʻole. ʻAʻole pono ia e lilo i kou hilinaʻi ma kahi wahaheʻe a hūnā paha. ʻOiai ke hoʻomoe nei i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, hiki iā ia ke hōʻeha nui i ka hilinaʻi a paʻakikī e hoʻoponopono. Hiki iā ia ke kānalua i kāu hoa ʻē aʻe, i nā mea nui aʻe āu e hoʻopono ai.
Palena
Palena nā palena. He mea nui lākou no ka mea hana lākou i kahi ʻano o ka palekana. I ka ʻike ʻana i kekahi, he mea nui e kūkākūkā pono e pili ana i nā palena a me ka pilikino āu e ʻoluʻolu ai. Hiki paha iā ʻoe ke makemake i nā palena e pili ana i kāu mau mea, ka hakahaka, nā leka uila, a me nā kamaʻilio ʻana, inā e hōʻeha ʻia e hoʻolilo iā ʻoe i ka hilinaʻi ʻole i kāu hoa. Hiki paha iā ʻoe ke kumakaia inā hana hou ʻia kahi kamaʻilio pilikino me kāu hoa i kāna hoa aloha, a inā e kamaʻilio ʻo ia me kekahi o kou mau hoaaloha a ʻohana paha e pili ana iā ʻoe.
I nā makahiki i hala aku nei i koʻu wā he loio, ua manaʻo wau ua haki koʻu mau palena i ka wā i hoʻouna ai kahi lā i nā pua i koʻu keʻena me ke kumu ʻole, ʻoiai kahi hana maikaʻi, hoʻohilahila iaʻu i ka hana. Makemake au i ka palena ma waena o kaʻu hana a me koʻu ola pilikino. ʻO ia ka mea i hilinaʻi ʻole iaʻu i ka hoʻoponopono a me ka noʻonoʻo o ke kāne. Ua ʻike ʻia koʻu mau manaʻo a ua hōʻike ʻo ia i ka ʻike ʻole a me nā palena i nā wahi ʻē aʻe. Hilinaʻi i kou instincts. Ke haʻi ʻoe i kekahi i kāu palena a nānā ʻole lākou iā ia, hana kēia i ka lua o ka hana hewa - kekahi o ka hōʻihi ʻole. E wehewehe paha ʻoe i nā kumu o kou palena me ke kanaka ʻokoʻa ʻokoʻa ka manaʻo.
ʻO kahi palena koʻikoʻi kahi e puni ana i kou kino a me ka moekolohe. Pehea kou ʻoluʻolu i kou pili mua, i ka manawa a ma hea? Ke hele nei ʻoe i ka ʻole, ka wahine, a i ʻole hoʻokō ʻia? Pono nā palena o ke kino a me ka moekolohe e ʻae a pale i ka pilina ma kāu pilina. ʻO ka lili a me ka infidelity a i ʻole ka ʻike i ka infidelity hiki ke hōʻino ʻole i ka pilina. Loaʻa paha iā ʻoe a me kāu pakanā nā waiwai ʻokoʻa e pili ana i nā mea e ʻae ʻia. E kamaʻilio pololei e pili ana i ka mea āu e koi ai e palekana a aloha. Mai hoʻokipa a hoʻokalakupua paha e pili ana iā ia — e ʻoiaʻiʻo.
Kūpono
ʻO nā mea maʻalahi, e like me ka hana ʻana i ka mea āu e ʻōlelo ai, e hoʻihoʻi i nā waiwai hōʻaiʻē, aia i ka manawa, a me ka mālama ʻana i nā lā, kūkulu i ka hilinaʻi. ʻO kēia nā laʻana a pau o ka "hele wāwae i ka haʻiʻōlelo." ʻO ka hoʻohaki ʻana i nā hoʻohiki, ʻo ia hoʻi nā mea liʻiliʻi, hoʻokumu i ka hoka. Hoʻouna pū kekahi i ka leka i ka manaʻo a me ka pono o kekahi kanaka ʻē aʻe. Inā lawa ia i nā manawa, nalowale ka hilinaʻi a kāu hoa a kūkulu i ka huhū e hemo ai ka pilina.
Predictability
Ke ʻike ʻoe i kekahi, kūkulu ʻoe i kahi manaʻo i kou manaʻo e pili ana i ka mea a hāʻawi iā ʻoe i kahi ʻano ʻoluʻolu a me ka palekana. Inā hoʻomaka ʻo ia e hana i nā ʻano pohihihi ʻole a i ʻole i ke ʻano kūlike ʻole me ka mea i lilo i mea maʻamau, hiki i ka hilinaʻi ʻole a me ka kānalua e pili ana i ke olakino noʻonoʻo, kūpaʻa, a i ʻole ka hoʻokele kālā. Inā ʻoe e hele ana i kahi mau loli, e like me ka hoʻololi ʻana i kāu hana a i ʻole ke ʻano moekolohe, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o ke kamaʻilio hāmama ʻana e pili ana iā ia ma mua o ka kū ʻana o nā nīnau.
Ke aʻo nei i ka hilinaʻi
ʻAʻole ke aʻo ʻana i ka hilinaʻi i ka mea ʻē aʻe e like me ke aʻo ʻana e hilinaʻi i kāu ʻike ponoʻī a me ka nānā ʻana i kāu kānalua a me ka noʻonoʻo. Ke hele ʻoe me kekahi, e neʻe i kou maka i loko e ʻike i nā ʻano sensations āu e ʻike ai i ko lākou alo. ʻO ka huhū, ka hilahila, ka hewa, a me ka ʻeha nā manaʻo e lilo paha ia i hōʻailona e hele i kou mau palena e ka hōʻino waha a me ka manipulate. E hoʻolālā manawa me ʻoe iho a e nānā i ka ʻokoʻa me a mai kahi mea ʻē aʻe.
© Darlene Lancer 2012.
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