Ke aʻo ʻana e aloha a aloha ʻia

ʻAʻole hāʻawi ʻia ke aloha a aloha ʻia. He wahi maikaʻi loa ka honua inā makemake ʻia a aloha ʻia kēlā me kēia keiki i lawe ʻia i loko ona - inā ʻaʻole ma mua o ka hānau ʻana a laila ma hope koke iho, aia kani ke alo. Eia naʻe, ʻaʻole ia ka hihia. Nā moʻolelo weliweli, e like me nā mea i ho'ākāka ʻia ma ka Adverse Childhood Experts Studies, nui, kikoʻī ʻana i nā pilikia i kū ʻia e nā keiki aloha ʻole ʻia. ʻO kahi hopena hiki ʻole ke ʻike ʻia e aʻo lākou e hāʻawi a loaʻa ke aloha. Ma muli o ke aloha ʻaʻole kahi mea a lākou i ʻike mau ai, ʻaʻole lākou i ʻike pehea e hana maikaʻi ai, keu hoʻi e pili ana i ke aloha iā lākou iho a me ke kūpono i ke aloha ʻia e kekahi.

ʻO ka mea hauʻoli, ʻo ka hiki ke ʻike i ke aloha ke ʻano paʻakikī e like me ko mākou hiki ke hele, ʻōlelo, heluhelu, a pāʻani paha. ʻO kekahi mau kūlana kūloko e like me kahi ʻōnaehana sensorimotor kani, kaawale o ka ʻeha, ke komo ʻana i ka ʻoluʻolu pili, a me ka palekana maʻamau mai ka ʻeha ʻana e ʻae i ka pēpē e leʻaleʻa i nā leʻaleʻa o ka pā ʻana, ka pānaʻi ʻana o nā maka a me nā ʻakaʻaka, i hiki ke hilinaʻi ʻia i kekahi e mālama. no nā pono e hiki ʻole ke hoʻokō kūʻokoʻa ʻia. ʻO kahi "hoʻopili paʻa," ke kihi o ka pilina aloha, ulu aʻe me ka hilinaʻi ʻole e hāʻawi kekahi i ka mea e pono ai. Ke mālama ʻole ka hana ʻino, hoʻomāinoino, a i ʻole ka squalor i ka hōʻoluʻolu maʻamau, hoʻomōhala ka pēpē i kahi ʻano ʻokoʻa a me ka hoʻonohonoho o nā mea i manaʻo ʻia no nā pilina.

ʻAʻole hiki ke manaʻo ʻia nā hoʻoikaika kanaka e kōkua a hāʻawi i ka mālama. ʻO ka lokomaikaʻi maʻalahi o kekahi e hāʻawi i ka hōʻoluʻolu a i ʻole ka nānā ʻana hiki ke (mis) hoʻomaopopo ʻia e like me ke aloha; malia paha ke kūlike ʻole o ka loaʻa e hāʻawi i kahi manaʻo palekana e lilo i inoa ʻia "aloha." I kēia mau hihia, wehewehe ʻia ke aloha e kahi pilina e hāʻawi i ka mālama ma kahi o ka hoʻomāinoino, aloha aloha ma kahi o prededictability, a aloha paha ma kahi o ka nele. Hoʻomaopopo ʻia ke aloha e nā ʻike e hoʻokuʻu i nā kemikino — oxytocin (ka cuddle / mālama hormone), dopamine (ka leʻaleʻa kemikala), vasopressin (no ka ʻumeʻume) a i ʻole, ma hope o ka ʻōpio, ka estrogen a me ka testosterone o ke kuko. ʻO ka hauʻoli o ka manaʻo ʻae ʻia a waiwai ʻia e ʻike ʻia.

Akā hiki ke aʻo ʻia ke aloha, ke hiki aku i ka wā ʻōpio, loaʻa nā mana no ka noʻonoʻo mua a me ka noʻonoʻo, a hiki ke aʻo e aloha iā mākou iho. Me kahi lolo makua e ʻae ai i ka noʻonoʻo a hoʻonui i nā ʻike ola e hoʻonui i kahi no ka pōʻai kaiāulu ākea, hiki i ka poʻe ke nānā iā lākou iho me ka hoihoi, ka nānā, ke aloha, a me ka lokomaikaʻi.

• ʻIke, ka makemake e mākaʻikaʻi a ʻae i ka nui o nā hopena a me nā manaʻo, lawe i ka hiki ke mahalo no nā mea āpau a ko mākou naʻau a me nā ʻano kino e hiki ai ke aʻo e pili ana i ka ʻike kanaka. Hiki iā ia ke hoʻolei i kekahi e nānā ma lalo o ka papa o nā helehelena, e ʻike i ka mea ma lalo o ka noho mālie a me ka ʻole o ka introvert ma lalo o ka ʻālohilohi. Ke hoʻāʻo nei i kahi hana hou, ke hoʻomohala ʻana i kahi mākau hou, e ʻimi ana i kahi hiki ke hiki mai i kēia manawa ke lawe mai i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo a me ka ʻaoʻao i loko a me lākou ka mahalo iā ia iho e waiho ana i ke kumu o ke aloha iā ʻoe iho.
• Nānā ʻo ia ka prong lua o ke aloha ponoʻī. ʻO ke kumu o ka nānā ʻana i ke ʻano o ka nānā ʻana i nā mea e leʻaleʻa ai ʻole e hōʻemi ai i ka ʻeha a hoʻokomo i ka hāʻawi ʻana no nā mea ʻelua. ʻO ia kahi ʻano o ke aloha ponoʻī i hoʻonui maʻalahi ʻia e ka noʻonoʻo, ka noʻonoʻo ʻana, ka noho mālie. I ka hoʻolōʻihi ʻana i ka manawa e hoʻolohe ai i ke kino o kekahi a hoʻohanohano i kahi pono no ka meaʻai, inu, neʻe, hoʻonui a hoʻemi paha i ka stimulate, ʻike mākou e ʻike i kā mākou pono ponoʻī, e hoʻokae i waena o nā pono a me nā makemake, a e ʻike i nā ala e mālama ai iā mākou iho. . Hiki i nā yoga ke hoʻohālikelike i ka hoʻohālikelike ʻana iā ʻoe iho ma nā ʻano ʻē aʻe; hiki i nā kaulike kaulike ke hōʻike i ke kaulike kūloko; hiki i ka hana maʻamau o ke akamai ke kūkulu i ka hoʻoponopono pilikino. Pono kā mākou subtler i ka nānā ke lohi mākou a nānā.
• Ka minamina ʻo ia paha ke kī hoʻokalakupua i ke aloha ponoʻī. ʻO ke aloha a mākou e ʻike ai ke nānā aku iā mākou iho me ke aloha aloha e ʻae iā mākou e ʻike i ko mākou hemahema a ʻae i ko mākou mau makemake kanaka, impulses, a me kā mākou mau mālama palena palena ʻole. Hiki iā mākou ke hōʻoki i nā koi kūpono ʻole iā mākou iho i mea e aloha ai he aloha mākou. Ke ʻimi nei e "lawa kūpono" i kūpono i ke aloha ke kono wale nei iā mākou e piʻi i ka papa hana o ka perfectism. Ua hōʻike mai nā psychologists hana hou he nui iā mākou ʻaʻole "hemolele" i ko mākou ʻike kanaka. ʻO kahi laʻana, ʻo Roy Baumeister, i ke alakaʻi ʻana i kāna hoʻokolohua kuki kokoleka kaulana, ua hōʻike ʻia e hoʻohana ka mana i ko mākou ikehu naʻau. Ua hōʻike ʻo ia i ka kaohi iho ʻaʻole palena ʻole, a ua pau mākou ma hope o ka luhi ʻana o ka hoʻoponopono pilikino. I kekahi laʻana, Sheldon Cohen, Bert Uchino, Janice Kiecolt-Glaser, a me kā lākou mau hoa hana like ʻole, i loko o nā kaʻina ʻokoʻa o nā noiʻi, ua nānā i nā kumukūʻai olakino kino o ka ʻeha ʻeha a me ka kamaʻilio maikaʻi ʻole i nā pili pili. I ka hana ʻana pēlā, ua kākau kēia mau mea noiʻi a me nā poʻe ʻē aʻe i kahi ʻōnaehana pale i loaʻa ka naʻauao ma mua o ke kuhi o ke kino kūpale. E like me ka ʻōlelo a ka poʻe Palani, "ʻo ka ʻenemi kūpono ka ʻenemi o ka mea maikaʻi" - ʻaʻohe o ke kīkaha a ʻo ka manaʻoʻiʻo hiki ke loaʻa e hopena i ka ʻole.
• Nā hana o ka lokomaikaʻi he mau ala e hōʻike ai a kūkulu i ke aloha ponoʻī. Ma o nā manaʻo akahai, nā ʻano mahalo, a me nā hana hānai, hōʻike mākou ʻelua i ke aloha iā mākou iho a koi ʻia e ʻike i nā hopena. ʻO ka hanohano, ka hauʻoli a me ka palapala hoʻohanohano iā ʻoe iho kahi hana kūpono ke aloha.

ʻO ka hoihoi, ka nānā, ke aloha, a me ka lokomaikaʻi, i hana ʻia ma ke ʻano he ala e hoʻohanohano ai iā mākou iho, e ʻae iā mākou e hoʻomohala i kahi pilina aloha me mākou iho. A ʻike mākou e aloha iā mākou iho, e mālama iā mākou iho me ka mālama, kūlike, a me ke aloha, hiki iā mākou ke kuhikuhi i ko mākou naʻau aloha i waho.

He aha nā ʻano aloha ʻē aʻe e kakali nei iā mākou?

• Hiki iā mākou ke aloha i nā pēpē. ʻO ko lākou ʻili palupalu, ʻala onaona, poʻo nui a me ka pane pane i ka wā e hoʻokō ʻia ai kā lākou mau pono e kono iā mākou e aloha iā lākou. ʻO ka nui o ka ʻike o kekahi mau mea ʻelua, ʻo ka nui o nā mea paʻa o ke aloha e ulu. Ke piʻi nei ko mākou hiki, hiki iā mākou ke kikoo aku i ke aloha ākea a hohonu.
• Aloha mākou i ka ʻohana. I kekahi manawa. ʻOi aku kekahi o nā ʻohana ma mua o kekahi. A ʻohana o ke koho a me ʻohana e ke koko a i ʻole nā ​​hoʻopaʻa kānāwai. Hiki iā mākou ke aʻo e aloha i ka poʻe a mākou e kaʻana like ai i ko mākou ola i kēlā me kēia lā ma muli o ko mākou ʻike nui i ka noho maʻamau o kēlā me kēia.
• Aloha mākou i ka poʻe a mākou e mālama ai. Aia kekahi mea e pili ana i ka mālama kino ʻana i kekahi kanaka ʻē aʻe e hilinaʻi nei iā mākou no kēlā mālama a hiki i ka hohonu i loko o kā mākou hiki ke hāʻawi, e hoʻololi ai. ʻAe iā mākou e aloha iā lākou a me ke aloha i ka pehea a mākou e manaʻo ai hiki ke hana i ka ʻokoʻa. Hōʻike pinepine nā mea mālama i ka hauʻoli kū mau mai kā lākou pili.
• Aloha mākou i nā hoa. ʻO nā paʻa o ka launa aloha kahi ʻano kūikawā o ke aloha, kahi a mākou e ulu a kaʻanalike ai i ko mākou ola e ulu nei. I ka hoʻokele ʻana i kā mākou pilikia ʻelua a me nā lanakila, kaʻana like ʻana i nā hana a me nā pilikia, ʻike mākou i ka ikaika o kekahi a me ka ulu ʻana mai o lākou. ʻO ke "kumumanaʻo hoʻonui o ke aloha" i hoʻomohala ʻia e Arthur a me Elaine Aron hiki ke hoʻopili i nā aloha a me nā aloha aloha aloha.
• Aloha mākou i kā mākou holoholona holoholona. Hiki ke symbiotic ka pilina ma waena o ka holoholona a me kāna mea nona, keu hoʻi ke hōʻike ʻia ka pipi i ke ʻano o ka hoʻopili e hiki maʻalahi i kekahi mau māmela. Ma hope o koʻu make kāne make ʻana, ua hāʻawi mai koʻu pilina me kaʻu bichon iaʻu i mea e hoʻopiha ai i nā wahi hakahaka āpau i hoʻopiha ʻia me ke aloha. I loko o kāna Canine Cognition Laboratory, ua hōʻike ʻo Kumu Yale ʻo Laurie Santos i nā pilina paʻa i hiki i nā ʻīlio me ko lākou haku a haku wahine hoʻi; ua ʻike ʻo Canine Cognition Laboratory ma Duke i nā kumuwaiwai o kēia mau paʻa a hiki i ko lākou aʻa kemika.
• Aloha mākou i ko mākou kuko. Ua hoʻopuka ʻo Mihalyi Csikszentmihaly i kāna puke mua e pili ana i ka mokuʻāina o "kahe," kahi hana piha i kahi hana i lilo ai ke kuko i mea hoʻoikaika nāna, i ka makahiki 1975. Ua ukali ʻia ka nui o ka noiʻi hōʻoia. ʻO kā mākou hoʻolaʻa ʻana i kahi hana a mākou e aloha ai e lawe mai i nā pōmaikaʻi he nui i kūlike me nā ʻano aloha ʻē aʻe.
• Aloha mākou i nā wahi. Hiki iā mākou ke hoʻopili maʻalahi i kahi me ke ʻano kikoʻī iā mākou. ʻOiai ma muli o kā mākou mōʻaukala ma kēlā wahi a i ʻole kā mākou pane aesthetic iā ia. ʻIke ka māla o ka psychology puni honua i kēia aloha. Ua hoʻopaʻapaʻa kekahi mau kānaka ʻepekema e paʻi mākou i ka papa honua kahi i hānau ʻia ai mākou a ʻume ʻia mau loa i kahi ʻano like. Ma kahi ala i kaupalena ʻia, hiki i ka poʻe ke hana i kahi home a lākou e aloha ai a hōʻoia hoʻi e kōkua ia iā lākou e kiʻi i ka meaʻai no ke kino a me ka ʻuhane.
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  Inā ʻaʻole i hoʻomaka kou ola ma kahi leka i kau ʻia me ke aloha a me ka nānā, mai hopohopo. Hiki ke aʻo ʻia ke aloha, a hiki iā ʻoe ke loaʻa ka hauʻoli o ka ʻike wale ʻana iā ia, ka hāʻawi ʻana, a kaʻana like ʻana, akā me ke aʻo ʻana aku iā ia. He aha nā pōmaikaʻi ʻoi aku?

  Kuleana kope 2019: ʻO Roni Beth Tower.

  Csikszentmihalyi, M., Abuhamdeh, S., Elliot, A. & Nakamura, J. (2005). Puke lima o ka mākaukau a me ka hoʻoikaika. Ka Nupepa Guilford.

  Csikszentmihalyi, Mihaly (1975). Ma ʻō aku o ka luʻuluʻu a me ka pīhoihoi: ʻIke i ke kahe i ka hana a me ke pāʻani, Kapalakiko: Jossey-Bass. ISBN 0-87589-261-2