Aloha a me ka ʻaiʻē

E hele pū ke aloha a me ka male e like me ka lio a me ke kaʻa. Akā he aha ka mea e hana ʻia ke pili ana nā aie a kekahi (a ʻelua paha) i ke kaula i ka pili e like me ke komo ʻana i ka hale paʻahao o ka poʻe ʻaiʻē? I ke au e noho ka hapa nui o ʻAmelika me kahi hoa aloha i ka wā o ko lākou ola makua, hiki i ka ʻaiʻē ke hoʻoikaika i ka hoʻololi i ka noho ʻana a pale i ke komo ʻana i ka male. ʻO ia no ka mea ʻike nui ka poʻe ʻoki ʻoki i ka uku ʻana i kā lākou ʻaiʻē ma ke ʻano he mea mua i ka male. Hōʻike nā mea i loaʻa i kahi pepa i paʻi ʻia nei ua lilo ka hōʻaiʻē i mea pale i ka male ʻana, keu hoʻi i waena o nā millennial me ka hōʻaiʻē hōʻaiʻē haumāna.

E lawe iā Ray lāua ʻo Julie, he kāne i nīnauele ʻia no kā mākou puke hou, Cohabitation Nation. ʻO kā lāua 30 mau makahiki, noho pū lāua i ʻehiku mau makahiki i ka manawa o kā lāua ninaninau ʻana, hana no ʻelima o lākou. Akā ʻoiai lākou i manaʻo piha e male - ka hopena - ʻaʻole lākou i hōʻiliʻili i nā kumuwaiwai e hana pēlā. Nīnau ʻia e wehewehe, hoʻolaha ʻo Julie, "Mālama mākou, a laila loaʻa iā mākou nā pilikia kaʻa; a laila mālama mākou, a aia kekahi ma kahi o ko lākou make ma Wisconsin, ʻike ʻoe? No laila ʻaʻohe mea [mālama ʻia] ʻoiai kekahi mea. ʻO ka maʻamau, hoʻohana ʻia ia i kekahi ala a i ʻole kekahi. ”

ʻOiai ʻo ka hanauna ma mua i male ʻia me ka ʻaiʻē ʻana, ʻoi aku ka nui o ka ʻaiʻē a nā millennial ma mua o nā hui mua. Ua maʻalahi ka loaʻa ʻana o nā kāleka hōʻaiʻē, a ua piʻi nui ka hōʻaiʻē hōʻaiʻē o ke koleke - ua paipai nā koleke i ka poʻe ʻōpio e alualu i kahi palapala puka akā ua neʻe i nā hōʻaiʻē ma luna o nā hāʻawi kālā, ʻoiai nā mokuʻāina i hoʻokaʻawale kālā no ke kula kiʻekiʻe. E like me ka 2018, ua piʻi aʻe ka ʻaiʻē haumāna i kahi 1.5 miliona kālā U.S. Ke ʻākoakoa nei ka hanauna ʻōpio o kēia wā me nā pae moʻohelu o ka ʻaiʻē haumāna, kahi "e pani nei i ka hōʻaiʻē molaki home ma ke ʻano ke ʻano nui o ka hōʻaiʻē waiwai." Akā ʻoiai ke kēkelē laepua e hōʻike nei he pono e mare hou ʻia, e loaʻa ana ka pilikia o ka hōʻaiʻē haumāna i ka moemoeā ʻAmelika - ka male ʻana, ka hoʻomaka ʻana i kahi ʻohana, ke kūʻai ʻana i hale - i hiki ʻole i nā mea he nui.

I ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ua loli nā mea nui e pono ai no ka male ʻana. Ma waena o ka poʻe e hiki mai ana i ka makahiki 1980 a ma mua, ua māka ka male ʻana i ka hoʻomaka o ke ola o kahi kāne ʻōpio, kahi hōʻailona a lākou i manaʻo ai e ʻalohi a mālama ma ke ʻano he kime. I kēia lā, ʻoi aku ka pinepine o ka male ʻana i ka pōhaku o ka holomua, hoʻopaneʻe ʻia a hiki i ka manawa i "hana ʻia ai" e kekahi a ʻelua paha. ʻO ka ʻaiʻē aʻo, he mea ia e pale ai i ka male. ʻO ka uku ʻana i ka ʻaiʻē, he lana ia no ka wā lōʻihi. Hiki i ka hōʻaiʻē o kekahi hoa ke hoʻomaka i nā wā ʻē aʻe o ke kanaka makua - e like me ke kūʻai ʻana i home a i ʻole ke keiki - ʻoi aku ka paʻakikī. Pono e uku i nā uku hōʻaiʻē kula inā hōʻoki ʻia nā hola hana a i ʻole ma hope o ka hānau ʻana, ke hana ʻole paha nā wahine (a me ka loaʻa kālā, no ka nele o ka uku ʻohana ʻohana i uku ʻia.

ʻO ka hoʻolālā no ka male kekahi hana nui i hoʻonui ʻia. ʻO kahi laʻana, hiki i ke apo lima hoʻohenehene ke hoʻohui hou aku i nā pōʻino kālā o nā kāne ʻōpio. ʻO ke apo awelika i kēia lā, no ka laʻana, kumukūʻai $ 6,350 - he mau mahina o ka loaʻa kālā no nā mea āpau akā ʻo ke kāne uku nui ʻia (a ke noi nei me kahi apo he mea nui ka hana kāne a kāne paha. ʻO Martin, kahi hoʻoponopono puke a mākou i nīnauele ai, i kona wā 30 mau makahiki a ʻoi aku ma kahi o $ 30,000 nā hōʻaiʻē mai kāna bachelors a me kāna kekelē laeoʻo. Ke kamaʻilio nei lāua me Jessica e pili ana i ka pili, akā ʻo kā Martin kūlana kālā e kāohi ana i kā lāua hana i kēlā ʻanuʻu. Ke wehewehe nei i nā pilikia, ua ʻōlelo ʻo ia:

“No kuʻu haʻaheo ponoʻī, ʻaʻole au e kūʻai i kahi apo $ 10,000, akā makemake wau e hoʻolilo e like me ma waena o $ 1,000 a $ 2000. No laila ua ʻaneʻane ʻo ia e lawe mai, e like me 'Ke noʻonoʻo nei paha mākou e pili ana i kēia?' a i ka manawa holoʻokoʻa e noʻonoʻo ana wau no ia, akā ʻaʻole hiki iaʻu ke kiʻi i kekahi o nā pahele kūhelu o ia mea a hiki i ka loaʻa ʻana o kekahi ʻano kālā, ʻike ʻoe i kaʻu e manaʻo nei? I ka manawa i loaʻa iaʻu kaʻu hana ua noʻonoʻo wau pehea e hoʻomaka ai e uku i kaʻu mau kāleka hōʻaiʻē a me kaʻu hōʻaiʻē kula. Ua mālama au i kaʻu $ 50 i ka mahina, a loaʻa iaʻu kahi hana lua. Ke hana nei nō wau ma ka wahi pizza, e like me hoʻokahi pō o ka pule, a mālama mau wau i kēlā. A no laila kūkulu wau i ka hapalua o ke apo, kēlā uku hoʻoliʻiliʻi. A loaʻa iaʻu ua hele aku wau i waho a kūʻai mai i ke apo a paʻa mākou. ” No Martin, ʻo ke kaʻina o ke kūʻai ʻana i ke komo lima he kumu nui o ke koʻikoʻi. "Ua hopohopo wau e kūʻai aku iā ia i ke apo," i wehewehe ai ʻo ia, "no ka mea ua hopohopo wau i ka hoʻokolokolo ʻana o kāna mau hoaaloha, e like me," ʻĀ, ua mālama ʻoe no hoʻokahi makahiki a ʻo ia wale nō kāu mea e loaʻa ai? " No laila he nui kēlā hewa ma laila. ”

ʻO nā hopohopo e pili ana i nā manaʻo kūpono ʻole no ka bling pīhoihoi hiki ke pale i nā hoa mai ka hoʻopuka ʻana i ka nīnau.

Ua hoʻonui nui ʻia nā mea i manaʻo ʻia no ka male ʻana. I ka male ʻana o nā mākua o Miller i nā makahiki mua 1970, ua mālama ʻia kā lākou hoʻokipa mare ʻana ma ka hale ma lalo o ka hale pule a ua hāʻawi aku ua mau mea hauʻoli nei i nā malihini i nā keke, nā kuʻi, a me nā ʻalemona o Ioredane. Mele lāua i loko o kahi pāka mokuʻāina kūloko. I kēia lā, hoʻolilo nā pūnaewele hoʻolauleʻa i ke kumu kūʻai o ka male ma mua o $ 33,000; Ua hoʻonui ka makasina mare a me nā hōʻike kīwī maoli i ka pā ma nā mea i manaʻo ʻia. Lawe pū ʻia, hoʻonui ʻia nā ʻāpana o ka hōʻaiʻē a hui pū ʻia me nā mea i manaʻo ʻia no kahi hanana nui e hopena i ka hoʻi ʻana o ka male ma kahi mamao loa no nā mea āpau akā ʻo ka holomua kālā loa.

Paipai mākou i nā kāne e kūpaʻa ana i kekahi i kekahi e kūkākūkā e pili ana i kā lākou ʻaiʻē a me nā kālā. Pono e hana i kēlā mau kamaʻilio ʻana no ka poʻe e noʻonoʻo nei e komo. ʻAʻohe hoa makemake i ka pīhoihoi maikaʻi ʻole o ke aʻo ʻana i ka ʻaiʻē o kā lākou hoa kāne ma mua o ke kumukūʻai o ke kaʻa kiʻekiʻe ma hope o ko lākou ʻae ʻana e male. Ke ʻike nei i ka nui o ka hōʻaiʻē i loaʻa i kekahi, a me ka pehea e kamaʻilio ai nā hoa i ka uku ʻana i kā lākou ʻaiʻē, hiki ke hāʻawi i ka ʻike nui e pili ana i ka hoʻoponopono ʻana o kāu wahine i nā pilikia pili kālā. Hiki i kēlā ʻike ke hoʻopaʻa i nā kāne i ka wā a lākou e hana ai ma o kekahi o nā pilikia i kū mua i nā kāne male - nā pilikia kālā - ma mua o ka hoʻopaʻa ʻana i nā knot. Ma kahi pālākiō ʻoi aku ka nui, pono i ka poʻe ʻōpio ke hoʻokuʻi i ka pilikia ʻaiʻē ma ka papahana ākea, ma o ka hana politika a me ke komo ʻana, a me ka leo e pono ai e hoʻoponopono i kā lākou pilikia.

ʻAʻole no ka poʻe āpau ka male ʻana (a ʻaʻole nō, i ko mākou manaʻo, pono ia). Akā he aha ka mea e hana ai inā e hōʻole ana ka hōʻaiʻē i ke ala o nā pahuhopu male? Ma waena o nā kāne a mākou i nīnauele ai e pili ana, he mea kakaikahi ka mea e manaʻo nei i ka nui o ka male ma ka pā ʻana o ka makasina, ʻaʻole hoʻi i kūʻai ka hapa nui i nā apo momona e koi ana i ʻekolu mau mahina o ka mālama kālā (a ʻoi aku paha). Ua kūkākūkā lākou i kā lākou kumumanaʻo e ʻoki i nā kumukūʻai a mālama i lawa e lawe i kēlā ʻanuʻu aʻe, kahi o ia mau kikoʻī a mākou e kikoʻī ai.

ʻO kahi hoʻolālā i hana ʻia e kekahi o kā mākou mau kāne i aʻo ʻia i ke koleke e hana i nā hana lua, kikoʻī e kōkua i ka uku no kā lākou male ʻana a me nā meli. E like me Martin i ʻōlelo ʻia ma luna, e hana ana ʻo Nathan lāua ʻo Andrea i ke kūkulu ʻana i kahi hua manu pūnana. "E lawe wale wau i kahi lawelawe a hana pālolo paha, ʻoiaʻiʻo, e loaʻa ai kahi kālā kālā i hiki iā mākou ke waiho a mālama no kahi uku haʻahaʻa i kahi hale a mālama no nā lilo o ka male," wehewehe ʻo Nathan.

ʻO kekahi o kā mākou mau kāne i haʻi ʻia pehea ka uhi ʻana o nā lālā o ka ʻohana i kekahi o nā kumukūʻai o kā lākou male ʻana, e like me nā pua, ka pōpō, a i ʻole ka lole ʻaina, no kā lākou makana. Nīnau ʻia pehea lākou e uku nei no nā kumukūʻai o ka male, ua ʻōlelo ʻo Kevin, "No laila, ke manaʻo nei wau he poʻe wale nō e manawaleʻa nei e uku no nā mea. Pēlā wau, 'OK!' "Ua ʻae pū kāna kāne hoʻopalau, ʻo Amy," No laila, nui ka poʻe e hana nei i nā mea e like me kēlā me kēia no kā lākou makana no ka male, ka mea i kōkua nui i waho. " Ua koho kekahi i kahi hana maʻalahi me kekahi mau lālā o ka ʻohana a me nā hoa aloha. Ua wehewehe ʻo Janelle i kāna makemake i kāna male male e lilo i kī haʻahaʻa, a i kāna mau huaʻōlelo, "he pāʻina liʻiliʻi wale nō. Ke ʻōlelo nei wau, ke hōʻaiʻē nei wau i koʻu kapa ʻaina. ʻO maʻalahi loa. ”

ʻAʻole maʻalahi ia mau koho, keu hoʻi i ka moʻomeheu e paipai ana i ka "matrimania" a i ʻole ke piʻi aʻe nei nā mea i manaʻo ʻia no nā hana keaka ʻoi loa hyped. Akā i ke au kahi e noho pālahalaha ai ka uku no nā mea āpau akā ʻo nā mea ma ka palena kiʻekiʻe loa o ka pae loaʻa kālā, aʻoaʻo ʻole ʻia ka male. I ka hopena o ka lā, kahi kāne e hoʻolilo $ 40 ma kā lāua male male ʻana ʻaʻole i emi iki ka male ʻana (a ʻoi aku paha kahi uniona ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi) ma ke ʻano he mea hoʻolilo $ 40,000. E pili ana i ka pilikia ʻaiʻē, ma mua o ka hōʻino ʻana i kēlā me kēia kanaka no ka ʻimi ʻana i ke kula kiʻekiʻe, kākoʻo mākou i kahi ala hou aku e pili ana i ka pilikia, a ʻōlelo mākou i nā mea kālaiʻāina e hōʻike i ka waiwai o nā waiwai ʻohana e pono e hoʻoponopono i ka pilikia ʻaiʻē e kū nei i ka poʻe ʻōpio o kēia lā inā makemake lākou i ka male. e noho i ke kumu moe o ko mākou kaiāulu. Inā ʻole, ʻike paha mākou i kekahi mau poʻe e ʻōlelo ana i mua o nā hoaaloha a me ka ʻohana i ko lākou makemake e lawe i kekahi e lilo i wahine na lākou i male ʻia no ke kānāwai "no ka maikaʻi, ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi, no ka ʻoi aku ka waiwai, no ka ʻilihune."