No ke aha i kekahi manawa e ʻōlelo ana "ʻAʻole" i kāu mau keiki he mea nui ia

ʻO nā mākua e hopohopo e waiho i ko lākou wāwae i ka manawa maʻamau he mau keiki e hehi i ko lākou manamana wāwae. —Na Huaolelo Pake

E manaʻoʻiʻo paha ʻaʻole paha, hana nā mākua i kā lākou keiki i kahi disservice nui ke hāʻawi ʻole lākou iā lākou i ka ʻike no ka haʻi ʻia ʻana iā "ʻaʻole."

No nā mākua he nui, hoʻowalewale mau ia e ʻae i nā makemake o kā lākou keiki — ʻoiai inā hiki iā lākou ke hōʻoluʻolu i kēlā mau makemake, akā ʻoiai inā ʻaʻole hiki. Makemake maoli nā mākua i ka hauʻoli o kā lākou keiki. Eia nō naʻe, ua hala ka hauʻoli i hāʻawi ʻia e nā mea waiwai, a hōʻike ka noiʻi aia kahi ʻaoʻao e hoʻonui ana i ka pono e pono ai ka mea hou e hiki mai ana, ʻo ia paha ka mea pāʻani o kēia manawa a i ʻole ke kiʻi uila hou. Hāpai ia i kahi ʻano hemahema i hiki ke hoʻomālamalama wale ʻia no ka manawa pōkole. [1]

Mahalo paha kāu mau keiki i ka manawa i loaʻa mua iā lākou ka mea "wela" hou, akā ʻo ka pinepine pinepine e mae i ka ʻeleʻele ke kū ka wela hou i ka mākeke. I kēlā manawa, i ka manaʻo o ua mau keiki lā, ua hoʻolilo ʻia ka mea a lākou i ka wā kahiko a ʻoluʻolu ʻole hoʻi. A, inā ʻoe e hāʻawi a loaʻa i kāu poʻe keiki i kēlā me kēia wela hou loa, ke loaʻa ka mea hou aʻe, hana hou ʻia ka hōʻeuʻeu. Lilo kēia i kaiapuni kolohe e hana nei i ka hauʻoli ʻole a me ka hōʻoluʻolu ʻole.

Ma waena o nā haʻawina waiwai nui a hiki iā ʻoe ke aʻo i kāu poʻe keiki ʻaʻole loaʻa ka hauʻoli maoli i ka loaʻa ʻana o ka mea āu e makemake ai; ua hoʻokomo ʻia i ka mahalo a me ka hana ʻana i ka hapa nui o kāu mea.

Ke aʻo ʻana pehea e hana ai me ka loaʻa ʻole o ka mea āu e makemake ai a ke makemake ʻoe he mākau koʻikoʻi ia e pono ai ka poʻe āpau e hoʻomohala. Aia kekahi mau kumu no ka makemake ʻole o nā mākua e hoʻonohonoho a hoʻokō i nā palena me kā lākou keiki.

• ʻAʻole lākou makemake e hoʻokau ʻia i ka huhū / huhū o kā lākou keiki
• Ke uku nei lākou i ka hewa e pili ana i nā ʻike i hala me kā lākou keiki
• He makemake maikaʻi ʻole ko lākou e lilo i mau hoaaloha me kā lākou keiki
• Manaʻoʻiʻo lākou i kā lākou keiki e pono i nā mea āpau a lākou e makemake ai
• Makemake lākou i kā lākou keiki e ʻoi aku ka nui ma mua o kā lākou kamaliʻi
• ʻAʻole lākou makemake i kā lākou keiki e hoʻonele ʻia e like me ka wā ma mua

Hoʻonohonoho hou kekahi o kēia mau mea iā ʻoe?

ʻOiai no nā mākua, no kēlā me kēia kumu, e hana i nā mea āpau e hiki ai iā lākou ke hōʻole i ka ʻōlelo ʻana i kā lākou poʻe keiki, hiki ʻole ke hōʻea i kahi manawa a lākou e makemake ai a kau i nā palena. He ʻano hou kēia o gehena no nā mea a pau i pili. Ke maʻa kāu mau keiki i ka hoʻonui ʻia, ʻaʻole e kiʻi i nā mea a lākou e makemake ai.

ʻO ka ʻōlelo ʻana ʻaʻole he ʻano o ka hoʻonohonoho ʻana i nā palena. Maoli, e hoʻāʻo kāu mau keiki i nā palena āu i hoʻonoho ai a hōʻoia iā ʻoe e hōʻoia inā ʻaʻole maoli kēlā mau palena. E nonoi paha lākou, noi, uē, uē, hoʻāla i kahi ʻino, huhū loa, a i ʻole nā ​​mea āpau i luna. Hōʻike kēia i ko lākou pilikia i ka loaʻa ʻole o kā lākou makemake, akā makemake lākou e ʻike inā hiki iā lākou ke hāʻawi iā ʻoe e hāʻawi.

Inā ʻoe e hāʻawi, hoʻouna ʻoe i ka leka i kāu poʻe keiki ʻo "ʻaʻole" ʻaʻole ia he manaʻo ʻaʻole, a inā lākou e noi, noi, whine, a uē paha, e loaʻa iā lākou ka mea a lākou e makemake ai. Ke hāʻawi nei i ka hoʻoikaika i ka hana cringe-inducing a kāu keiki, e hoʻonui hou ai a ʻoi aku ka paʻakikī e kinai.

ʻAʻole hiki ke hoʻonui ʻia ka paheʻe o kēia pali. Inā kūpaʻa ʻoe a paʻa i nā palena āu i hoʻonohonoho mau ai, e aʻo mau kāu mau keiki e ʻae i kēlā mau palena me ka maʻalahi a me ka wikiwiki. Ma ka ʻaoʻao ʻē aʻe, inā ʻoe e paʻa paʻa i ka wā mua akā laila relent no ka mea e hoʻoluhi kāu mau keiki iā ʻoe i lalo a hāʻawi iā ʻoe e hāʻawi e ka hoʻomau ʻana i ka noi, noi, whine, a uē paha, ʻo ka mea nui āu i aʻo ai iā lākou inā lākou noi, noi, whine, a uē paha lawa lōʻihi , loaʻa ka mea a lākou e makemake ai.

He mea kōkua ke ʻike inā ʻaʻole ʻoe e ʻōlelo, ʻaʻole pono ke nui keaka. ʻO ka pololei a kūpaʻa ʻole i ka hoʻokomo ʻana i kahi pā o ka hoʻomākeʻaka puʻuwai hiki ke hana ʻole i kēia kaʻina hana. Ua hoʻohana mau wau me ka makuahine o kaʻu mau kaikamahine i nā huaʻōlelo e like me "Get real, Neil," "No way, Jose," "No chance, Lance," and "Nope, ʻaʻole hiki." Ua haʻi hou mākou i kēia mau pane i nā mea nui e like me ka mea e pono ai - e like me ka mantra a i ʻole ke mele i paʻa i ka hana hou ʻana - a ua hōʻoia maikaʻi loa i ke kōkua ʻana i kā mākou kaikamahine e aʻo e ʻae, i kēlā mau hihia, ʻaʻole lākou e kiʻi i kekahi mea makemake lākou.

Inā ʻelua (a ʻoi paha) mau mākua e pili ana, maopopo leʻa he mea koʻikoʻi no lākou e ʻae i ka wā e pili ana i ka hoʻonohonoho ʻana a me ka hoʻokō ʻana i nā palena. ʻO ka hakakā ma waena o nā mākua ke kumu e hoʻonāwaliwali ai kekahi i kekahi a hoʻouna i nā leka i huikau a huikau hoʻi i kā lākou keiki. Eia kekahi, ʻo nā keiki mākaukau i ke aʻo ʻana pehea e pāʻani ai i hoʻokahi makua kūʻē i ka makua ʻē aʻe i kahi makua e hele aku ai i mea e hoʻonui ai i nā manawa o ka loaʻa ʻana o kā lākou makemake. Lilo a paʻakikī kēia ʻāpana ke hui pū ʻole nā ​​mākua, akā no ka pono o kā lākou keiki ka pono o nā mākua e hoʻoikaika e hīmeni mai ka mele like a hiki i ka mea i hiki.

Pono nā keiki i ke kūkulu a me nā palena, a me nā mākua i ka wiwo ʻole a me ka ikaika e makaʻu a kū i ke alo o ka huhū o kā lākou keiki, kaumaha, huhū, a me nā ʻano ʻano ukiuki ʻē aʻe. ʻO kēia kahi ʻano o ke ahonui a me ka paʻakikī paʻakikī no nā mākua he nui.

ʻAʻole maopopo iaʻu i nā mākua e leʻaleʻa iā ia ke huhū kā lākou keiki iā lākou, akā inā ʻoe e hāʻawi mau i nā makemake a me nā makemake o kāu keiki, e hana ana i nā mea a lākou e makemake ai a loaʻa iā lākou i nā mea a lākou e makemake ai, hana ia i kahi manaʻo kūpono ʻole no ka hana honua. Ua aʻo lākou e ʻike i ka honua e like me ka mea e lawelawe ana i kā lākou mau pono i ʻike ʻia, e lilo ana i mea paʻakikī no lākou e kūleʻa i ka wā e hiki mai ana, ma lalo o nā kūlana e nānā ʻole i kēlā mau pono.

Pono i nā keiki ke ʻike i ke aʻo ʻana pehea e hoʻopaneʻe ai i ka hōʻoluʻolu a kū i nā palena i kau ʻia ma luna o lākou. ʻO ke kūpaʻa a kāu mau keiki e ulu ai mai ia mau ʻike e mau ana i ke ola holoʻokoʻa, ʻoiai ʻo ka huhū a me ka huhū a lākou e kuhikuhi ai iā ʻoe he manawa pōkole wale nō ia.

Kuleana kope 2018 Dan Mager, MSW