5 mau pilikia nui i ka pili o nā hoahānau kāne paʻakikī

ʻO ka manawa aʻu i noho pū ai me ka poʻe mākua i loaʻa ka pilina paʻakikī me ko lākou mau kaikaina ua hōʻoia iaʻu e hoʻomaopopo ka poʻe therapist i nā pilikia nui he 5.

1. ʻO nā pili kaikaina he pili pili ola.

ʻO kahi pilina hoahānau, hāʻawi ʻia i ka papa maʻamau o kahi manawa o ke ola, ʻoi aku ka lōʻihi ma mua o nā pilina ʻē aʻe e loaʻa i kahi kanaka-ʻoi aku ka lōʻihi ma mua o nā pilina me nā mākua, nā hoa, nā keiki, a, nā hoa aloha paha. No laila, ka wehewehe ʻana a i ʻole ka hoʻoponopono ʻana i ka pilina o ka hoahānau he mea nui ia i ka pono o kekahi no ka mea e pono pinepine ka laulima ʻana ma waena o nā kaikaina i ka wā e mālama ana i nā mākua ʻelemakule, a me ka mālama pono ʻana paha kekahi i kekahi.

2. Hoʻomaʻamaʻa pinepine ʻole ʻia nā mea lapaʻau e noʻonoʻo e pili ana i ka pili o ka hoahānau makua, a mai nīnau e pili ana iā lākou i ka lapaʻau.

E like me kā māua Michael Woolley kākau ʻana i loko o ka puke pai hope loa o ka puke pai Hana kaiaulu , nā mākua e hakakā nei me kahi pilikia hoʻohana o ka lāʻau i hiki ke hoʻopili, a hoʻopili ʻia e, nā pilina paʻakikī me ko lākou mau kaikaina. Inā ʻaʻole e noʻonoʻo nā kauka e pili ana i kēia pilina, e hala ana nā manawa kūpono e kōkua ai i ka ʻōnaehana ʻohana (ʻo ia hoʻi nā kaikaina). Pono e hoʻopili ʻia nā kaikaina i ke kahakaha ʻana i ka palapala ʻāina kūloko a i ʻole genogram o ka makua.

3. Pili pinepine kēia mau pilina.

ʻOiai ʻelua hapakolu o ka 262 poʻe i nīnauele ʻia no kā mākou puke, ʻO nā pilina o nā hoahānau makua , e wehewehe i kekahi a i ʻole o kā lākou 700 mau kaikaina me ke aloha, wehewehe ʻia me ka manaʻo nui ʻole. ʻO ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, kamaʻilio nā puke e pili ana i ka ambivalence i loko o ka nui o nā pili kaikaina o nā mākua. (E ʻike i ka hana nui a Victoria Bedford.) ʻAe, nui ka pilikia o ke kaiaulu e launa pū me nā lālā o ka ʻohana, akā nānā ʻole kēlā trope i ka ʻoiaʻiʻo o nā piʻi a me nā hāʻina maʻamau i ʻike ʻia e nā kaikaina ma o ka lōʻihi.

4. Kūleʻa a kānalua hoʻi nā pilina hoahānau.

Manaʻo pinepine nā kaikaina ʻaʻole maopopo iā lākou i ka hana a kekahi kaikaina. Ma ka huli, ʻaʻole lākou i maopopo i ka hoʻomaopopo ʻia e kahi kaikaina. "Hana ʻo ia iaʻu e like me aʻu i 16 mau makahiki a ʻaʻole maopopo i ke kanaka aʻu i lilo ai," he mea maʻamau kaohi. ʻO ka huikau e ka hana a kahi kaikaina a kuhi hewa paha e alakaʻi i kahi ambivalence hou.

5. Hiki i nā kumumanaʻo hoʻōla ʻohana ke kōkua i ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana pehea e hana ai me nā pilikia o ka hoahānau.

Paipai ka hana a Murray Bowen iā mākou e nānā i ka hanauna i nā pili kaikaina. I ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ua ʻike mākou inā pili ka makuakāne me he kaikaina lā me kāna mau kaikaina, pili paha kāna mau keiki me kekahi. (E hoʻomaopopo, e nā mākua, a hana i ka pili o kou kaikaina!) ʻO kahi hiʻohiʻona ʻokoʻa e hōʻike ana i ke aʻo ʻana mai nā kūpuna mai e pili ana i kahi makuahine i haʻalele i ka pili me kāna kaikaina ponoʻī ma hope o ko lākou neʻe ʻana mai ka home a lākou i kaʻana like ai. I kekahi mau makahiki ma hope mai, ua hāʻule ʻole ʻelua mau keiki a ka makuahine i kekahi me kekahi. Hypothetically, ua aʻo lākou he ʻoluʻolu kēia hana mai ko lākou makuahine.

Paipai ka Structural Family Therapy (SFT) i nā therapist e hoʻolohe i nā palena o kahi kaikaina. Hoʻohui ʻia nā mākua i ka pilina o nā keiki makua? Ke keʻakeʻa nei nā mākua i ka hanauna āpau a ʻaʻole ʻae i nā kaikaina e hana i kā lākou pilikia? Ke kiʻi nei paha nā kaikaina hakakā i nā mākua ʻelemakule? Inā pēlā, hiki i nā mākua ke pale ʻia mai kēia ʻano hoʻokomo a hiki ke paipai ʻia nā kaikaina e hana i nā mea me kekahi. Ke maʻi a make paha kahi makua, lilo kēia i mea nui loa.

Ma ka lawe ʻana i nā kaikaina i loko o ka lumi hoʻōla, hiki i nā mea hoʻoponopono ke kōkua i nā mea kūʻai aku e hoʻokele i kekahi o nā pilikia paʻakikī e hoʻopilikia iā lākou ma o ka lōʻihi o ke ola.